As far as Jack was concerned, even a field of four-leaf clovers couldn’t turn things around. He was convinced that because he was born in a leap year, that he was under a secret thirteenth Zodiac sign and its symbol was a giant screw.
Jack had rolled over to get a drink of water from the nightstand in his hotel room this morning and was surprised to find he was sharing his bed. Not sure what events had unfolded last night other than drinking up a storm, Jack had no clue who this mysterious person was. Quietly he had slipped out of bed, pulled on some shorts, and walked to the door. He opened it and checked to see if he was in the right room and the number outside indicated that he was indeed.
He shuffled back to the bed and stared. The slumbering person stirred, and the comforter shifted showing the face of a woman who had large saggy cheeks, a double chin, and curly brown hair- definitely not his type. What the hell happened last night? Jack racked his brain while backing away from the bed.
He had wandered over to the desk where his wallet was lying and sat down on the hard backed chair. Jack put his head in his hands and rubbed his tired face. Pulling on his chin, he decided he needed an aspirin and a large glass of water to kick his hangover headache. Just as he stood, Jack had looked down and noticed a piece of paper on the table with his name on it. Grabbing a hold of it, he noticed that scrolled across the top read: The State of Nevada. Looking closely, he read:
…This certifies that Jack Randall Picket and Maureen Hicken were married July 5th, 2009…
This has to be a joke! Jack looked at it again and noticed his one of a kind signature pledging that he agreed. He glanced at the bed again. No, no this couldn’t be happening! Why did the worst things always happen to him!
Jack jumped and turned around to look at the person who had just spoken. His jaw dropped to the ground when he found that he was looking at a woman who was easily the size of two.
“Uh…uh… eh… um… morning” he squeaked.
“That was some night last night wasn’t it.” She purred walking towards him.
Backing away Jack realized he had put himself in a terrible spot, cornered he looked at her in fear.
“Sh... sh... sure was.” He gulped.
“What’s wrong honey? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” She looked around behind her then back at Jack.
“Did we get m… mar…” he swallowed and tried again, “married?”
“Sure did, and you thought it was so cute when I told you we should have Elvis do it at the Chapel right there on the strip.” She grinned at him, a big toothy smile.
God! She has teeth like a horse! He thought to himself.
“I, I can’t be married to you!” He was reaching for something to say that would help him get out of this mess. Damn that leap year!
“Why not baby.” Her voice got real whiney and she looked all pouty. “Oh, I see, you’re just kidding.”
“No! I’m not! I, I can’t marry you because… because I’m already married!” The thought just jumped into Jack’s head.
“That’s not what you told me last night!”
“I was drunk last night! You can’t hold that against me.”
“Well it doesn’t matter now, you’re mine and I ain’t given you up.”
Jack just knew thanks to that stupid thirteenth zodiac that he was screwed, again.