Thursday, April 15, 2010

Watch What You Say

Everyone has those days where you know you woke up one the wrong side of the bed and just wish you could start over, right?

Talking to my good friend Ed, who also happens to be the Dean of the school we both work at, after listening to my day’s worth of problems this morning, he turned to me and said, “Well Nic, sounds like it was a pall-bearer-dropping-the-casket start to the day. Shall we go for drinks after work?”

“I’d enjoy that a lot Ed.” I smiled.

A few hours later he was driving me to an out of the way cantina-type restaurant. We talked about work, about home, then the waiter came with our drink orders. He began apologizing profusely when he roughly sat my drink down, tipping it over and dumping it all over my lap.

Ed looked apologetically at me from his side of the table and began pushing napkins my way.

The waiter tried to help me with my skirt and smacking his hand out of the way I said, “Pall-bearer-dropping-the casket start to the day, huh, Ed?”

The waiter suddenly became stiff. Looking up at him, and as casually as possible, I asked, “Are you okay?”

“Who paid you to come in here?!” He demanded.

Ed and I looked at each other, “What are you talking about?” Ed asked.

“Who paid you?!” He was practically yelling at us now.

“Look, we don’t know what you are talking about, we just came here to get an after work drink. What the hell is your problem!” I was angry from my bad day already and just lit in to the guy.

“Y…y…you mean you weren’t paid by someone to come and give me a hard time?” Confusion lined his face and ours.

“No.” Both Ed and I answered.

“Oh shit!” Seeing us looking at him oddly, he then went into his story. “I had a funeral I had to attend about two weeks ago out of state. I was asked to be one of the pall-bearers and when pulling the casket out of the hearse, I dropped it and the whole casket slid out to the ground. Then to make matters worse, the lid wasn’t shut tightly enough and after bouncing open, the body of my dead grandmother came sliding out. I was horrified.”

Ed and I were stunned. We both picked up our jaws off the floor and he continued, “Every day I’ve had someone different come and harass me about the incident telling me I’ve disturbed the dead.”

“I think it’s time for us to be going.” Ed said as he helped me out of my seat.

“As if I thought the day couldn’t get any worse, now look at me! I’m all wet! What was I thinking?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I didn’t want to tell the poor lad that I read his story online yesterday. He must not know that it’s all over the internet.”

“Guess I shouldn’t complain then, I really could have had a Pall-bearer-dropping-the-casket start to the day!” We barely arrived safely back to the school, even with all the laughter that had followed.

1 comment:

  1. Glad you posted this piece here! I laughed just as much as I did when you read it to me. You rock Cole!