Friday, May 7, 2010

A Friday Spectacular

This week I'm doing something a little different. Normally I have a Friday Guest Writer on the site. However, this week I thought I would grace you with a selection / teaser from a Novelette I have been working on. I hope you enjoy.

Visions of Jihp Ch'iich'
Written by Nicole E. Hirschi

Have you ever danced in the rain, been intrigued by the lightning, loved listening to the roar of thunder? Those who do are more likely to be chosen.

Fear for the lives of those around you if you are chosen. She has chosen few, and those few are left to wander the world alone in darkness serving only her.

Be warned, she does not forgive easily and she will have her chosen servants…

“Maria, don’t go out there. Please, Mama said don’t go out there!” Javier begged his older sister.

“I have to get Pako, I can’t just leave him out there in the lightning.”

“But Maria!” Javier cried, “There’s something bad out there, I know it!”

“Javier, let go of me now! Pako is in garden, I will get him and come right back I promise. The only thing out there that’s bad is the lightning.” Javier sniffled; his eyes begging his sister not to go out into the lightning storm. Maria held him tight by the shoulders and out away from her, “You stay right here. You can even leave the door open and watch me. Okay?”

“Okay.” Javier knew that he didn’t have a choice. No matter what he told his sister, she wasn’t going to listen. Bad things happened in the lightning storms. Javier had had many dreams about the bad things that happened. His six year old mind just couldn’t explain what he had witnessed in his dreams to his family. So instead he watched; waiting and knowing what was going to happen.

Maria, soaked from the rain was just opening the gate to the garden when a bolt of lightning hit the barn, the boom making Javier’s ears ring. Not taking his eyes off of his older sister, Javier saw her slip in the mud and get back up again.

“NO!” Javier cried when the large bird swooped down and sank its deadly talons into Maria’s back. In horror, Javier plugged his ears with his hands when he heard her screams, not daring to look away. The bird the size of a man was standing on her back, talons ripping clothing and flesh while its beak was tearing handful size chunks from her twitching body. Javier whispered prayers, paralyzed from his fear and unable to do anything else. The white bird whose feathers glowed red and gold finished its meal leaving the mutilated body of Maria behind.

Hours later, Javier jumped at the touch of his father when he and his mother came home from their evening out.

“What are you staring at?” His father asked sternly.

Javier couldn’t utter a single word, but pointed in the direction of the garden.


  1. Great story caught up in
    powerful suspense & high drama as well - This was definately intriguing right to the bitter end -wow.

  2. good one - i like that you come out with an excerpt! i also like the new look of the site. less dark - but the darkness (as in your piece) ought to be between the lines...

  3. ooh, ooh got me going with some good imagery, now the hook is set!

  4. Love it Cole! You've got me hooked. Now I want to read the rest!

  5. I like your excerpt. I can see it developing into something worth reading. You're a good writer, Nicole.

  6. NO!” Javier cried when the large bird swooped down and sank its deadly talons into Maria’s back. In horror,
    This really brought back memories. My daughter was attacked by a a nasty crow and I went insane until I got rid of it. Will this be a serial, or is it from something larger that you want to be included in the manuscript?

  7. For what I have written currently, this is the opener that I have for the story. I currently have about 50 novel size pages written and am no where near done. This is definitely included in the manuscript.

  8. You've revamped the Vamp. I like it.

  9. I will echo Sal's comment. A great excerpt. I hope you keep us all informed as to how this story is coming along.
    Like Sal said (and Sal would know) are a great writer. Keep 'em coming!!

  10. A very tasty teaser Nicole, but then I wouldn't expect any less from you. I really enjoyed this.