Monday, May 16, 2011

The Reflections of a Pride-Driven Ego

Time flows freely, it doesn't take a genius to see it, but with that in mind- we all at some point grow an ego large enough to think we can do one of two things... stop it, or change it.

Sitting here at home tonight, I reflect on how many times my head has grown large enough to believe I could do anything. Those many times, too many years, too may numbers, leaves my pride feeling crushed.

A pocket full of change, a handful of pennies- each with various years remind me of the good times and the bad.

The first, weather beaten and almost black with tarnish has the barely readable year of 1996. In 1996, I was eleven years old, and got my first horse, found my hidden passion for books and was disliked at school for my ability to become teacher's pet.

The second, Brighter than them all, proudly displays the year of 2009. In 2009, at the age of 24, I became the best of friends with one of the greatest women I know, and still to this day treasure our friendship more than the rest. I also made a religious commitment to another and God that today I still don't regret making, but feel saddened that it wasn't meant to be.

The final penny, not as bright, but just as important yearns for its year of 2010 to be seen. I believe that 2010 was the year I begged, cried, and wished the hardest for time to be changed. 2010 was the year I decided that killing animals for a living was never meant for me, that after giving every effort to save a marriage my eyes were opened and my soul set free, but to top it all off, I struggled with a tear stained face as I watched my confused children try to take in their new living conditions and adjust as well as they possibly could.

Each tear I swept away gave light to their talents and above all, showed me what every parent should wish to see, that with endurance, struggles, and trials, no one, and I mean no one can ever take away your joys.

Today, I think I will forget about changing time, living in the future or the past, and just enjoy the present... I will enjoy the fact that tonight I get to snuggle with my girls and for a little while pretend that time has stopped, even if for just one brief moment, and believe with all my heart that time has stopped only for me.


  1. Did I tell you that I LOVE this one?? Still makes me smile and tear up at the same time.

  2. A truly beautiful piece, so full of hope and love and with the promise of better things to come ......

  3. A beautiful sad piece Nic. Great voice.